Courtesy of Wedding Window

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

It's that time of the year again...

A time of ending. A time of beginning. A time to look back. And a time to look ahead. First off...

... a look back.  This year brought a lot of changes to my family. My mom sold the family homestead, which brought with it a summer of craziness getting her ready to move.  Wade started tech school and moved out.  Sheridan started her Senior year.  I started a new position at the school.  I quit my 2nd job.  I got (another) new car.  I left behind some old, bad decisions, and moved forward.  I lost some that were very dear to my heart.  I've realized that sometimes, people are just selfish.  They will hurt your feelings, or leave you out, or simply not show care to you.  I've seen my kids fall by the wayside because of a lack of care and compassion towards them. That is a bitter pill to swallow, and I'm still reeling from some of it.  But, it makes me want to be better to others, and let God take care of all the rest of them. He is just and they will surely reap what they have sown. 

It was a challenging year.  I can't say that I'm sad it is over with. 

Some insight...

When I was a child, a teenager, and a young adult, I was under my parents' rules and guidance.  As a 20 something adult and as a 30 something adult, I was under Bob's rules and guidance.  Now, as a 40 something adult, I realize, that for the first time in my whole life... I'm under my own rules and guidance.

It's up to me! 

That is both exciting and frightening at the same time.

That realization has brought with it a lot of thought, prayer and soul-searching.  You know what I discovered?

Somewhere along the way, while living life and being under everyone else's rules and guidance... I lost myself.

Sandy was just... gone.

It's taken me 5 years, but friends, I'm about to get there.

It's actually pretty freeing.  Every day, I ask myself, "what do I think about such and such". And you know what? I'm the only one that gets to answer that question! It simply does not matter what anyone else thinks of my answer. You know what else?  I kind of like the "me" I'm finding!

So, looking ahead to the future.

I'm going to find myself again. That is my New Year's resolution. I'm going to figure out who I am, what I want to do, and where I want to be (figuratively because I'm not moving anywhere). 

And I'm not going to answer to anyone but myself.  Because I can.

Look out world! Here I come!

Happy New Year !!!

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