Courtesy of Wedding Window

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

It's that time of the year again...

A time of ending. A time of beginning. A time to look back. And a time to look ahead. First off...

... a look back.  This year brought a lot of changes to my family. My mom sold the family homestead, which brought with it a summer of craziness getting her ready to move.  Wade started tech school and moved out.  Sheridan started her Senior year.  I started a new position at the school.  I quit my 2nd job.  I got (another) new car.  I left behind some old, bad decisions, and moved forward.  I lost some that were very dear to my heart.  I've realized that sometimes, people are just selfish.  They will hurt your feelings, or leave you out, or simply not show care to you.  I've seen my kids fall by the wayside because of a lack of care and compassion towards them. That is a bitter pill to swallow, and I'm still reeling from some of it.  But, it makes me want to be better to others, and let God take care of all the rest of them. He is just and they will surely reap what they have sown. 

It was a challenging year.  I can't say that I'm sad it is over with. 

Some insight...

When I was a child, a teenager, and a young adult, I was under my parents' rules and guidance.  As a 20 something adult and as a 30 something adult, I was under Bob's rules and guidance.  Now, as a 40 something adult, I realize, that for the first time in my whole life... I'm under my own rules and guidance.

It's up to me! 

That is both exciting and frightening at the same time.

That realization has brought with it a lot of thought, prayer and soul-searching.  You know what I discovered?

Somewhere along the way, while living life and being under everyone else's rules and guidance... I lost myself.

Sandy was just... gone.

It's taken me 5 years, but friends, I'm about to get there.

It's actually pretty freeing.  Every day, I ask myself, "what do I think about such and such". And you know what? I'm the only one that gets to answer that question! It simply does not matter what anyone else thinks of my answer. You know what else?  I kind of like the "me" I'm finding!

So, looking ahead to the future.

I'm going to find myself again. That is my New Year's resolution. I'm going to figure out who I am, what I want to do, and where I want to be (figuratively because I'm not moving anywhere). 

And I'm not going to answer to anyone but myself.  Because I can.

Look out world! Here I come!

Happy New Year !!!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Not too long ago, I read a terrific article that was titled, "20 Things A Mother Should Tell Her Son". I am putting the link on here, as truly, everyone really should read it. It is awesome.

20 Things A Mother Should Tell Her Son

Man, that article has gotten me to thinking... and I just can't quit. Haha!

So, in addition to those wonderful, fabulous 20 up there ^^^, here are 20 more that I just know my son (and others out there) will really need to hear one day, even if they might not know it yet:

1.  Wait for the one you can't live without. It will be worth it.

2.  Don't wear wrinkled clothing.

3.  Don't smoke.

4.  Women love to be winked at.

5.  Respect your elders.  They have been there, done that, and know way more than you do.

6.  Don't procrastinate.

7.  Be the type of man you would want your daughter to marry.

8.  Bad things happen to good people.  Be good anyway.

9.  Admit when you are wrong.  It is never too late to say I'm sorry.

10.  It's okay to ask for directions.

11.  Everyone comes with baggage.  Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

12.  It's okay to not know what you want to do with the rest of your life.  You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

13.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

14.  Love hurts. Love anyway.

15.  Hold her hand and walk her to the door.

16.  When a woman says she is "fine", chances are, she's not.

17.  It only takes a few minutes to ruin your reputation.  

18.  Real girls do not look like Victoria's Secret models.  

19.  Don't wait to be asked. Offer to help.

and finally, last but not least...

20.  Always buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

 The Road Not Taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,         
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.       
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost (1874–1963)

Crossroads... I know we've all been at one, sometime in our lives. I feel that I am at one.

I have some decisions to make...


Sunday, September 21, 2014

Yes. Exactly.

No offense, but you know what I don't want to be known as?

A good example. A strong person.

What? Does that not make sense to you? Let me try to explain...

No one can possibly imagine the pressure that comes along with being known as a "good example". No one.

I want to be known for ME. Not for what my circumstances have made me. I want to be known for being a happy, friendly person. I want people to be happier when they encounter me than they were before they saw me.

When we part, I absolutely don't want their thoughts to be, "Wow. Sandy is such a good example. She is so strong."

I would rather their thoughts be more along the lines of, "Wow. It was so good to see Sandy. She is so pleasant to be around and always makes me feel good."

Now, I realize that being known as that kind of girl comes along with pressure too. But it is a completely different kind of pressure. It is pressure I choose. Not pressure that others bestow upon me. It is freeing...

Too many times, I have thought of others as "strong women" and "good examples" too. Those poor women. I wish I had thought of them as themselves instead.

Because I am ME. Sandy. The girl who truly likes to make others feel good and be happy. The person that tries to be optimistic, even when she is feeling crappy. Someone who is a good worker, and tries to be a good friend. The gal who is always telling on herself and putting funny things on Facebook about herself. The Mom who tries as hard as she can to teach her kids the right ways. The Mama Bear who would do anything to protect her children.

I don't want to be known as Sandy, the divorced woman that has to be a good example and always keeps her head up and is strong

Because that is just too much pressure, and it makes me feel like a failure...

Saturday, September 6, 2014

I've thought a lot lately about heritage... about where I came from. 

Now, obviously, I believe that we are all descendants of Adam and Eve. And then, I know that the earth was destroyed in Noah's time, and that our ancestors are the ones that were on the ark. But what about after that?

How in the world did I get here, from there?

Recently, I got interested in ancestry, and is my new best friend.

I know, I know. It is almost impossible to completely validate everything I find on there. After you go back so many years, the only things to rely on are historical records like immigration and census records. 

But man, it sure does give me a thrill to "hit" on something, and discover yet one more link to the past. So far, in one far-reaching branch of my family tree, I found records as far back as 600 A.D. 

600 A.D.!! People, that is pretty dang close to Jesus' time! 


Now that is exciting. Ideally, I would LOVE to be able to trace my roots back to Noah. Is that realistic? No. There are so many records that just weren't kept back then. It will never happen. But, the thrill of the chase keeps me searching... you just never know what you might find.

My great-grandmother always insisted that she was descended from royalty. Always. Now, you can imagine that we all wondered where her riches were if that was true...

Guess what?! She was right. I found, way back like 8 or 9 generations, that her family WAS royalty. Her many greats grandfather was a Duke. And I discovered where he abdicated his right to the throne and married an Indian princess! From then on... no more of our family was considered "royalty", and sadly, the big money must have stopped there. 

Oh, what we would do for love! 

(Don't get me wrong, I would have done the same thing for love!)

Anyway... this past weekend we went off on a little jaunt and "re-visited" some of the past. Here are some pictures of some places that still mean a lot to me to this day:

My Papaw and Nanaw's house in Henryetta

Another view of the same house 

The house I was born in (and Kim and Greg spent a lot of their childhood in) at Henryetta

My Grandpa & Grandma Morris' house in Pleasant Valley 

The red barn (shop building) on their property 

And of course, the "House that Built Me"

And here are some pictures of the final resting place of some loved ones... gone, but never forgotten...

My Great-Grandfather (Papa), Jessie Edmonds

My older brother, Chris 

My Grandfather (Papaw), Herb Wittman 

My Grandmother, Irene Wittman 

My Dad, James Morris 

My Grandpa & Grandma Morris, James Rodney Morris and Mary Albina Durkeweicz Morris 

My Grandpa, James Rodney Morris 

My Dad, James Howard Morris 

And there are many other beautiful souls that have gone on, that I would love to eventually have pictures of their headstones. 

I don't want to ever forget just where I came from... or where I'm going. And I'm just going to point out now, that I really am royalty. I'm a child of the King. 

And no one can ever take that away from me... even if you can't find it on!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Almost every person that knows me, knows that random hearts in nature are very special to me...

But almost no one really knows why.

Do you want to know? 

Here is my story, ready or not!

About 9 years ago, my marriage went through a really rocky time. Of course, now, after having been divorced for the past 5 years, I realize it wasn't near as rocky as it would eventually become. But, I digress...

We were going through a really tough time. It wouldn't be expedient for me to air all our dirty laundry, here on the internet, where possibly my kids, and other family, might run across it. No, we'll just say... things were bleak.

I have NEVER been a proponent of divorce. NEVER. I was in it for the long haul, but man, on the toughest days, I truly wondered if I would be able to hang on.

On one particularly rough day, I opened up a bag of potatoes, and began peeling them, one by one, with tears falling out of my eyes. On about the sixth potato in the bag, I pulled it out to see a perfectly heart shaped potato. I mean, it was perfect. And I heard God speaking to my heart and He said...

"Just as you hold that heart in your hand, I have your heart in my hand and I will take care of you. It will be okay." 

What did I do? I just burst out crying. I mean, big ole slobbery-tears crying. I felt so comforted by the thought. And so it began...

Many, many times (before Bob ever left) I would be somewhere, doing completely random things, and God would send me a heart. 

One time, I was heading into Lowe's to get something for the house, and I reached up to straighten my shirt. When I glanced down, a perfectly shaped styrofoam heart blew out of the sky, into my hand. 

Another time, we were at the lake. I was sitting on the bank, with my toes in the water, and I was playing with the sand, deep in thought. As I grabbed a handful of sand, and allowed it to fall through my fingers, back into the water, a teeny, tiny heart shaped rock jumped out at me. Out of all the millions of rocks in that lake, there is no way that I could have found that tiny rock by chance.

One morning, after a really hard discussion with Bob, I followed him out the door as he left for work and started sweeping off my porch. As he drove away, I felt like my heart went with him. As I reached down and moved the mat out of the way, my breath caught. There was a moisture spot under the mat, in a perfect heart shape. That was not by chance.

I could go on and on, but there wouldn't be enough time to tell of all the instances that God touched me in this way. But I will tell just a couple more.

After Bob had left, I had no idea how I would ever make it on my own. I felt that I didn't have enough of "me" left to be a single mom. One day, I was driving down the road. I glanced over and noticed the beautiful sunflowers growing in the ditch. And one sunflower was extra special. The brown part in the center, was a perfect heart shape. I knew right then, that God would help me to be enough for my kids.

After I'd started working at the school, one day was super hard for me. It happened to be the anniversary of our first date. Sheridan brought her lunch into the office and ate while we visited. As she ate, she picked up a chicken nugget and said, "Look Mom! A perfect heart-shaped nugget!" 

Needless to say, she didn't eat that one.

Another time, I was driving along and asked God a specific question that I felt I truly needed an answer to. When I glanced up in the sky a few minutes later, I immediately saw a cloud that looked exactly like the one at the top of this post. And I knew I had my answer.

Most recently, I went to watch fireworks at my friends' house for the 4th of July. They had a big bash, and there were a ton of people there, but I felt alone. All alone. Again, I asked God a specific question, and I told Him that if He would allow me to see a heart in the fireworks that night, that I would know the answer to my question. 

I watched, diligently, for a heart. Any heart. Even something that resembled a heart. But there wasn't one. And I felt sad, and abandoned by God. And then I heard Him tell me, "In MY time, Sandy". I went away with a hopeful heart. A few days later, people started posting pictures of the fireworks that we had seen that night. And in the middle of looking at all the pictures, guess what I saw...

Yes, right there on the left. A perfect, random heart. And I knew God had answered me, yet again.

I love random hearts in nature. I think they are beautiful. But the ones that are meant for just me? 

Amazing. Simply amazing.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

I lost a piece of my childhood today...

Have you ever heard that Miranda Lambert song, "The House That Built Me"? Here is a link to it... you should listen to it...

It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling all day.

My Dad always told a story, and I think it is pretty appropriate for this day... the day we moved Mom out of "Their" house and into a new home.  Here it is:

Dad worked at the AT&T microwave station in Mounds, OK for many, many years.  During his drive to work, he would always notice a house that was on the way.  When Dad first began working there, a young couple moved into this house.  After a few years, Dad saw that they had a child.  And in the next several years, a couple more children were born to the couple.  As time went on, Dad watched those little kids grow up, first into older kids, then into teenagers.  The day came that he saw them leave home, one by one. As the years went on, the couple grew old, and first one, and then the other passed on. No one came to the little house anymore. Eventually, someone bought the land and tore the house down. The land sat there for several years, with the wheat fields growing up in place of the home. After a while, you couldn't tell that there had ever been a house there. One day, Dad noticed that a dozer was there, clearing the land.  A couple of weeks later, he saw that a new home was being built in the same spot that the little house had stood.  Eventually, the home was finished, another young couple moved in, and it all began again.  Dad realized that life had come full circle.

Every time Dad would talk about this story, he would always end it with, "Life goes on".

And so it does.  As I sit here engulfed in memories of my childhood home and the life that we lived there, I realize... Life really does go on.

I'm thankful for the House That Built Me...

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

My Dad moved in with me today...

Wait... what? 

Okay, so we all know he really didn't. But, a lot of his stuff did... and I know a little part of him is in every piece of it.

I know his sweat must have been on every one of his tools...

From the drill bits in the small cases, to the saws in the large cases, from the screwdrivers on the peg board to the nails in the peanut butter jars... his sweat was there.

I know his heart was in the tool belt that he loved...

along with the binoculars that he used to watch his beloved birds.

And I'm positive his pain and tears were there when I put up his little bull horns. 

Man, he loved those things. They were on the front of his little white truck when he had that bad wreck, years ago, and broke his leg.

I know he was smiling when I brought his lovely "Dolly" into the house. 

She was always his favorite singer.

It is bittersweet though. I'd sure rather have him here with me, than to have all of this stuff. But I am thankful to have little pieces of him still here.  Every time I go into the garage, and see anything that was his, it will remind me, once again, of the wonderful Dad that I was blessed with in this life... not that I need reminding, but I'm glad to have them, nonetheless. 

I miss you Dad! Gone, but never forgotten.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

"Time goes by... people touch, and then they're gone..."

Five years. It has been five years since I've been half of a couple. In some ways, it seems like such a short time, and yet, at other times... it seems like forever.

I LOVED being half of a whole. I'm good by myself, but I am better as a pair.

The other day, we were cleaning out Dad's shop building. Now, as most parents are, Dad was so good about storing his kids' junk... for years. So, every time I moved, if I didn't have room for something, I just sent it back home with Dad, knowing that he would keep it safe. Sure enough, the other day, I found an old cedar chest down in Dad's shop building that was filled with my stuff. I hadn't given it much thought, but since it was going in the estate sale, I knew I'd better clean it out. Man. I opened the lid and...

BURST OUT CRYING. Yep, cried like a baby. 

Now, I know you are wondering what could possibly have been in there to make me so emotional. My kids' baby clothes? An old wedding album? Family keepsakes? 

No. Nothing of the sort.


It was full of games. Clue, Life, Triominos, Yahtzee, Trivial Pursuit, Scattergories, Bible Trivia, Uno, Skip-Bo, Phase Ten and so on and so forth.

And in that moment, years of fun - family game nights, late night cards with friends, company over playing board games - all came back to me, in one fell swoop. And instantly, I wondered...

Will I ever have anyone to play games with again? Will I ever be half of a whole again?

Needless to say, my family all hung back and let me have my cry. And then, I put back on my big girl panties and stacked every single one of those games on the sale table. 

Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

I had to. It was the only way to let go and move on. Move on to... what? I really don't know. But I sure hope that someday, somewhere, sometime that I don't have to be single anymore. Like I said, I'm good alone. But I'm better together.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Well... for a year a and half, I have worked two jobs. In some ways, it had been awesome. I needed a distraction in my life. I needed something to keep my mind busy. 

Now, I'm ready for a new direction. As of next Wednesday, I will only have one job again! Yippee! Hooray! Yee Haw!

Can you tell I'm excited? As much as I have loved my second job, I'm ready to have my evenings free again. I'm ready to keep my laundry done up. I'm ready to clean my own house. I'm ready to COOK DINNER AGAIN! Haha! Life pretty much just stopped when I started working in the evenings (sorry kids!). It's time for a change.

Not long ago, I moved to a different job at the school as well. So there are changes all over the place in my life. Good changes. Positive changes. It's a good feeling.

If you stop by the school to see me, you'll find me in the Administration office now. You know, the one with the "flag on the door". I'm thrilled to still be with my friends at the school, yet loving my new position.

As I look forward to having some free time, it makes me want to go on vacation!! 

How about a Road Trip?

Or a beach somewhere?

Or, let's travel the world!!

Okay, so I realize that isn't going to happen any time soon, but it does make me want to.

So, in anticipation of the day that I will be able to travel, here is a great idea I found:

Basically, you travel. And when you get to a place you've never been before, you take a picture. Then, cut it in the shape of the state/country/island, and paste it on your map. 

I so plan on doing this!

All that being said, I leave you with this thought:

Someday friends.... someday.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Blogger Challenge - Day 22 - My Bad Habits

Bad habits? Why, I don't have any bad habits! 

Umm... okay. Yes, I do. Too many of them. Lol

Why must these challenges make me tell all my bad faults?! Oh well... by the time I get finished with this 30 day challenge, you guys will know way too much about me. Haha!

So, bad habits.

Yep. My #1 is my biggest one. So big, in fact, that it deserved a picture. Diet Dr. Pepper. Man, I just love this stuff! I know, I know, it is bad for me. It will kill me. You know what though? We are all going to die of something, when it is our time to go. So, until then... I'M DRINKING THIS STUFF!

Some other bad habits of mine: 

Biting my fingernails (yuck!)
Pulling out eyebrow hairs and eyelashes (dumb!)
Picking at the dead skin on my feet (have I grossed you out yet?)
Organizing things without being able to control myself (OCD much?)
Being on the computer too much (can you tell?)
Criticizing myself and focusing on my negative points
Eating too many sweets and TOO MUCH PEANUT BUTTER!

Okay. That's enough for now. Nobody will like me if I continue. LOL :)

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Blogger Challenge - Day 21 -
What Makes Me Sad?

Oh my. What a question on Father's Day.  I usually try not to think of things like this, because it makes me, well, sad.  But, in fairness to the challenge, I'll try.  Be warned though:  I'm feeling pretty sad tonight, so you never know what will come out of my head.

First, my Dad not being on this earth anymore makes me really sad. It is such a hard thing to lose someone that you are so close to. Thankfully, I have such wonderful memories of him, and of fun times together.  I just could not carry on without my memories!

Second, I am sad when my kids make poor decisions and choices. As a mother, I always feel my inadequacy at those times. 

It makes me sad when my friends and loved ones are sad, hurting or sick.

I am also sad when people judge others unfairly. 

I'm sad when my kids are left out of things, and when people don't show care to them.  I can survive when those things happen to me. But when they happen to my kids, it makes me super sad.

It makes me sad to think of being single for the rest of my life.  I'm such a people person, and I hate being alone.

I'm sad when people do bad things and get away with them. That's all I'm going to say on that subject, but trust me, it happens all the time (even today) and every single time, it makes me sad.

Okay.  Enough sad.  This isn't my favorite post, so I'll leave it at that.

Time for HAPPY! 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Blogger Challenge - Day 20 
 What Makes Me Happy?

What makes me happy? Well, there are a lot of ways that I could answer this question, but I'm just going to go with the first thing I thought of.

I am happy when I make someone else feel loved, happy, wanted. Does that sound odd? Let me explain.

There are so many, many times that I have felt unloved, or unwanted. Ignored. Left Out. And my kids have felt this exact same way. And I have seen this affect us in negative ways.

There are so many times when people go somewhere, or do something, or even have friends over, that we are left out, not invited. And not even thought of. 

And although I am certain that most of these times are not intentional, it still makes me unhappy. 

So, that being said, here is what makes me happy:

When someone calls, out of the clear blue, to invite me to do something fun.

When someone makes an effort towards my kids, whether it be texting them, or making room for them in their travels. 

Sometimes, it is simply someone making a little extra effort; showing a little care.

People, that is all it takes. A little effort, and not thinking of ourselves all the time.

Do you notice that I said "ourselves"? That is because I am just as guilty of these things as the next person is. We all get caught up in ourselves from time to time, and just don't think.

I want to think. I want to be that caring person. The one that remembers others out there that might feel left out. The one that includes them.

Because you know what really makes me happy? 

Making someone else feel happy.