Random Hearts

Almost every person that knows me, knows that random hearts in nature are very special to me...

But almost no one really knows why.

Do you want to know? 

Here is my story, ready or not!

About 9 years ago, my marriage went through a really rocky time. Of course, now, after having been divorced for the past 5 years, I realize it wasn't near as rocky as it would eventually become. But, I digress...

We were going through a really tough time. It wouldn't be expedient for me to air all our dirty laundry, here on the internet, where possibly my kids, and other family, might run across it. No, we'll just say... things were bleak.

I have NEVER been a proponent of divorce. NEVER. I was in it for the long haul, but man, on the toughest days, I truly wondered if I would be able to hang on.

On one particularly rough day, I opened up a bag of potatoes, and began peeling them, one by one, with tears falling out of my eyes. On about the sixth potato in the bag, I pulled it out to see a perfectly heart shaped potato. I mean, it was perfect. And I heard God speaking to my heart and He said...

"Just as you hold that heart in your hand, I have your heart in my hand and I will take care of you. It will be okay." 

What did I do? I just burst out crying. I mean, big ole slobbery-tears crying. I felt so comforted by the thought. And so it began...

Many, many times (before Bob ever left) I would be somewhere, doing completely random things, and God would send me a heart. 

One time, I was heading into Lowe's to get something for the house, and I reached up to straighten my shirt. When I glanced down, a perfectly shaped styrofoam heart blew out of the sky, into my hand. 

Another time, we were at the lake. I was sitting on the bank, with my toes in the water, and I was playing with the sand, deep in thought. As I grabbed a handful of sand, and allowed it to fall through my fingers, back into the water, a teeny, tiny heart shaped rock jumped out at me. Out of all the millions of rocks in that lake, there is no way that I could have found that tiny rock by chance.

One morning, after a really hard discussion with Bob, I followed him out the door as he left for work and started sweeping off my porch. As he drove away, I felt like my heart went with him. As I reached down and moved the mat out of the way, my breath caught. There was a moisture spot under the mat, in a perfect heart shape. That was not by chance.

I could go on and on, but there wouldn't be enough time to tell of all the instances that God touched me in this way. But I will tell just a couple more.

After Bob had left, I had no idea how I would ever make it on my own. I felt that I didn't have enough of "me" left to be a single mom. One day, I was driving down the road. I glanced over and noticed the beautiful sunflowers growing in the ditch. And one sunflower was extra special. The brown part in the center, was a perfect heart shape. I knew right then, that God would help me to be enough for my kids.

After I'd started working at the school, one day was super hard for me. It happened to be the anniversary of our first date. Sheridan brought her lunch into the office and ate while we visited. As she ate, she picked up a chicken nugget and said, "Look Mom! A perfect heart-shaped nugget!" 

Needless to say, she didn't eat that one.

Another time, I was driving along and asked God a specific question that I felt I truly needed an answer to. When I glanced up in the sky a few minutes later, I immediately saw a cloud that looked exactly like the one at the top of this post. And I knew I had my answer.

Most recently, I went to watch fireworks at my friends' house for the 4th of July. They had a big bash, and there were a ton of people there, but I felt alone. All alone. Again, I asked God a specific question, and I told Him that if He would allow me to see a heart in the fireworks that night, that I would know the answer to my question. 

I watched, diligently, for a heart. Any heart. Even something that resembled a heart. But there wasn't one. And I felt sad, and abandoned by God. And then I heard Him tell me, "In MY time, Sandy". I went away with a hopeful heart. A few days later, people started posting pictures of the fireworks that we had seen that night. And in the middle of looking at all the pictures, guess what I saw...

Yes, right there on the left. A perfect, random heart. And I knew God had answered me, yet again.

I love random hearts in nature. I think they are beautiful. But the ones that are meant for just me? 

Amazing. Simply amazing.

The House That Built Me

I lost a piece of my childhood today...

Have you ever heard that Miranda Lambert song, "The House That Built Me"? Here is a link to it... you should listen to it...

The House That Built Me

It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling all day.

My Dad always told a story, and I think it is pretty appropriate for this day... the day we moved Mom out of "Their" house and into a new home.  Here it is:

Dad worked at the AT&T microwave station in Mounds, OK for many, many years.  During his drive to work, he would always notice a house that was on the way.  When Dad first began working there, a young couple moved into this house.  After a few years, Dad saw that they had a child.  And in the next several years, a couple more children were born to the couple.  As time went on, Dad watched those little kids grow up, first into older kids, then into teenagers.  The day came that he saw them leave home, one by one. As the years went on, the couple grew old, and first one, and then the other passed on. No one came to the little house anymore. Eventually, someone bought the land and tore the house down. The land sat there for several years, with the wheat fields growing up in place of the home. After a while, you couldn't tell that there had ever been a house there. One day, Dad noticed that a dozer was there, clearing the land.  A couple of weeks later, he saw that a new home was being built in the same spot that the little house had stood.  Eventually, the home was finished, another young couple moved in, and it all began again.  Dad realized that life had come full circle.

Every time Dad would talk about this story, he would always end it with, "Life goes on".

And so it does.  As I sit here engulfed in memories of my childhood home and the life that we lived there, I realize... Life really does go on.

I'm thankful for the House That Built Me...

Bringing Dad Home With Me

My Dad moved in with me today...

Wait... what? 

Okay, so we all know he really didn't. But, a lot of his stuff did... and I know a little part of him is in every piece of it.

I know his sweat must have been on every one of his tools...

From the drill bits in the small cases, to the saws in the large cases, from the screwdrivers on the peg board to the nails in the peanut butter jars... his sweat was there.

I know his heart was in the tool belt that he loved...

along with the binoculars that he used to watch his beloved birds.

And I'm positive his pain and tears were there when I put up his little bull horns. 

Man, he loved those things. They were on the front of his little white truck when he had that bad wreck, years ago, and broke his leg.

I know he was smiling when I brought his lovely "Dolly" into the house. 

She was always his favorite singer.

It is bittersweet though. I'd sure rather have him here with me, than to have all of this stuff. But I am thankful to have little pieces of him still here.  Every time I go into the garage, and see anything that was his, it will remind me, once again, of the wonderful Dad that I was blessed with in this life... not that I need reminding, but I'm glad to have them, nonetheless. 

I miss you Dad! Gone, but never forgotten.