Birthday Musings

Yesterday was my 51st birthday… fifty-one years… wow.  I remember as a teenager how 51 seemed OLD.  Now, as I look ahead, I realize that if I live as long as my mom did, I only have 29 years left.  I understand that 29 years is a long time, but I also know that it will pass in the literal blink of an eye.  On the other hand, 29 more years is a long time to live this life alone… Man, I really want to find my soulmate and live my life to the fullest with them.  How does one even go about finding their soulmate in this life?  I thought I’d found it one time.  I was for sure wrong though. 🤔  

I sure missed my Momma yesterday.  I mean, I always miss both my mom and my dad, but my mom just had a way with birthdays.  It didn’t matter if you were turning 1, 21, or 51, she’d be there to make a big deal out of it.  Although I received many, many wishes yesterday, and I truly cherished each of them, it wasn’t, and will never be the same, without my Momma to make me feel special, to take me to lunch, to buy me too many gifts.  I didn’t even take yesterday off work because I’d have just been alone… 

I’ve really been feeling a ‘loss’ lately.  I think it’s just the realization that I’ve been alone for 12 years now.  That’s a REALLY long time to do this life alone!  That’s too long to be the only adult, the decision maker.  A long time without true love and affection.  Sigh.  Although God has given me so many blessings in this life, I sincerely hope my time alone is almost over, and that He gives me a companion soon. ❤️ 

My mom’s favorite bible verse was Isaiah 40:31.  “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

The older I get, the more I appreciate this scripture.  #waitingontheLordtoprovide